Jacob’s First Time Kayaking

Yesterday, we went to another SEAS Sailability event, and as usual, I went with Cerys for support. Moving about, and getting in and out of Kayaks, is very difficult. Jacob does not usually come with us because of fears he has around water, but this time we managed to convince him to come along and spend an evening with us.

He’s been before, of course, but a lot of activities make him feel unsafe (especially those where he does not feel in control), and so he usually rejects them out of hand, and then prefers to stay at home. It’s partially autism, and partly because I didn’t have the chance to expose him (and his sister), to the wild as much as I’d like, as they were growing up. I ended up ill, which took a huge chunk out of their childhood.

Instead of being in the mountains, walking, cycling, abseiling, swimming, and kayaking, all of us were unfortunately inside a lot. Often, they were looking after me, and trying to keep me alive. So we did not have the time, energy, or ability to be outside in the wild. It’s meant that a lot of things I love about the outdoors, feel different, weird, and even scary to them.

Sailing, for example, Jacob does not seem to like it. He said he might like it on Firefly, as I told him he could captain her if he wanted to, however with groups like SEAS, for instance, Jacob feels out of control, and while his stomach can handle being on the sea, he felt wibbly on a sailing boat, and could not wait to get off. He decided then and there, that water sports and recreational water related activities, were not for him.

So why write about this? Well, since I have pushed myself to get back outside again, (thanks to organisations like SEAS), I have been trying to rectify, what I see as a flaw/missing piece in my parenting. Unintentional, it may be, but I still always wonder what lives they would have had if they’d had the outdoor time I did when I was growing up in the Pennines.

So, I am trying to correct it.

To some extent, this has involved me waxing poetically about my new love, kayaking. My daughter has taken to it, and I really want to be able to share it with Jacob, too. It would help with his physical, and mental health greatly. However, I have had huge trouble trying to convince him to even come down on the pontoon when we’re there, never mind get into a boat.

Yesterday, however, something magical happened. Jacob agreed to come out with us, and also agreed to get in a kayak. This was huge. I was still unsure if he would, but I ran with it anyway.

So, he got to the dock, and still did not want to come down onto the pontoon (it floats, and wibbles). Fair enough. We managed to convince him that the slipway might be a batter choice for him, and he agreed. So he was measured for a kayak, given a PFD and a paddle, and led down the slip way.

When he got into the boat, and he was pushed out into the water, he went pale. He was extremely unsure of himself, and the stability of the small Pyranha Ion he was sat in. It’s a pretty extreme white water boat for his first go. For about ten clear minutes, he was extremely unsure, and he stayed with the instructors, and would not leave the dock.

However, then something just clicked. After speaking to the people from SEAS, being shown how to move about, how stable the boat was, how to put his skeg down, and reassured that he would be rescued if the worst happened, he left the safety of the dock with us. He took to it, like a duck takes to water. He was paddling fast, turning in circles, powering past everyone, and he just looked like he belonged. It was beautiful! The water was pretty calm, but he was taking on everything thrown at him.

Then I saw something I will never forget. I was trying to get my phone out of its waterproof case, to snap some images of him, and as I turned around, there he was, just floating out on the Menai Strait, looking off into the distance. Still. Completely relaxed. Speaking to him later, he said he just felt good. When I suggested it was that he felt some freedom from being able to paddle around, happiness from conquering a fear, and some peace from being out in such a beautiful place, he agreed.

Later, he did not want to get out of the boat, which made me smile. Once out, we had some BBQ food, and he looked happy. It was wonderful to see. He was brave, he tackled his own insecurities, and for the briefest of time, we were all out on the water, together. Brilliant!

So this post is because I am super proud of him. I do not know if we will be able to keep him kayaking, or whether he will revert to not doing it, but for now it doesn’t matter. He did a thing, and conquered a fear, and that is absolutely epic.

Bravo!